Towards the end of the 14/15 season "The Rise of Maidstone United" book was quietly published, three months behind schedule and concluding a project that was allocated £67,500 of Arts Council money. It looks like an edition of SHOOT! magazine that's been guest edited by a bunch of hairdressers. We ask where all that money went ... A selection of our "specials" from previous seasons
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Minus 67500 out of 10: we review 'The Rise of Maidstone United' Old White Brians and 'Shite At The Museum' A double-header in which "Ziggy Pearl" pays tribute to the diversity of the old white men called Brian who run the game with such benevolence and where Garth Paxman spends five minutes at "The Rise of Maidstone United" Exhibition and wonders if it might not have been easier to just flush £67,500 down the Junior Hoillet. Here's a very large sum of money. Let's patronise some football fans! If you were at the Kingstonian match on Tuesday night, you may have been handed a pamphlet on "The Rise Of Maidstone United" in which it was claimed that club had no historic archives. You may be wondering how it's possible that the people responsible for this publication made this claim, when the club's own historian, Bryan Reed, has compiled just such a volume, to which the club's chief executive Bill Williams himself has apparently contributed. This becomes less of a mystery when you learn the following: At the end of 2013 Art Consultants Francis Knight were handed £67,500 by the Arts Council to oversee "The Rise of Maidstone United" project. Read more ...
Will people think I'm gay if I don't yell at that man in pink?
One of these men wears a pink shirt. The other has a hair band and his hands are held in a slightly camp position. This kind of thing can upset people.
Are you a rugged, heterosexual football fan? Well of course you are! Do you want anyone to think you're gay? Well of course you don't. So what's the best way of asserting this? Hmmm. How about shouting something at a footballer wearing a partially pink kit? Yes that should do it! While the vast majority of Maidstone fans have a lot of time for the vast majority of Dulwich fans, it remains a statistical certainty that in any crowd, of any size but particularly one allegedly approaching 3,000, you will find one or two "tossers".* On Saturday we did. Let's not overstate the problem: homophobia is not a major issue at Maidstone, but it does lurk in the background and if an openly gay player ever did play at JWW it would be naive to think one of these shitgibbons wouldn't let rip. When Thomas Hitzelsperger decided to come out during the month of January, the reaction was telling. Almost everyone, even the Daily Mail was supportive. Read more ...
Scapegoats, sledging and what not to say to the local Imam It was the French philosopher Alain Finkielkraut who said: “Barbarism is not the inheritance of our prehistory. It is the companion that dogs our every step.” And it was a far side touchline philosopher at JWW who said: “You’re a c*** eight!” during a recent home match, unintentionally proving the Finkmeister’s point. Read more ... The Three Bs about Three G: Blackmail, bollocks and bullshit
A quick guide to the use of the English language. Blackmail 1. (noun): the action, treated as a criminal offence, of demanding money from someone in return for not revealing compromising information which one has about them. 2. (verb): to demand money from (someone) in return for not revealing compromising information about them: Taking things literally then, we can conclude that when Brian Lee of the Conference was quoted in the NLP a couple of weeks ago comparing Maidstone’s actions regarding 3G to “blackmail” he was, perhaps, talking “bollocks”: Read more ...
The Art of hiring and firing in the age of the shitgibbon Maidstone United has had relatively few managers over the years, a sign of stability on the field even when there was little off it. Was Keith Peacock fired too early? Was Andy Ford fired too late? Should Graham Carr have been fired from a cannon into the nearest river? We look at some key 'what if' moments.